Date : Saturday, 2 January 2016
Time : 21:11
Title : back again, but for how long?

i'm back to blogging, after a hiatus of three years - three because it's already 2016. i've been blogging since 2004 (wow now that was 12 whole years ago OMG AHAHA I FEEL SO DAMN OLD) and i'm not sure how many of you remember/know my old blog URLs, but if you don't know or don't remember it, that's good as well. sometimes, some things are best left forgotten and buried in the past.

i still remember how my blog would be the topic of conversation in school and how it got me a lot of recognition (albeit almost unwanted, but recognition is still recognition anyway yeah?) - back then. well, that was then. i stumbled upon my old blogs (i had two but i'm not planning to reveal either address ... for now. maybe in the future we'll see?) recently and i read my posts ... damn, 13-year-old me sure was a handful huh. and i was so damn rebellious and stupid back then LOL, why did i even torture myself by going back to read those stupid entries ...

but well, i had pretty great memories as well. looking back on several entries did indeed make me smile too. of course, that came with a small tinge of heartache, because i really do wish i can relive some nights/moments again - but then again we all know that isn't possible. maybe someday, in a parallel universe, i probably could, but that's still a major uncertainty.

so definitely a lot of things have happened the past three years i was away from blogging. i don't know what made me stop in the first place. my last blog entry, i was still an intern yet to graduate from ITE (much love to the college i come from, i think of my friends and lecturers and my time there almost every day). in fact, i had just started interning not long ago. what made me stop? was it the lack of time to post regularly? was it me hitting writer's block? was it the fact that i didn't have much energy to convert most of my thoughts into words anymore? i still don't know and i probably won't ever know. but that's still another uncertainty.

i had expected this first entry on this new blog to be real short but this is already the fifth paragraph. little did i know i still have that 'knack' for writing and penning my thoughts. i remember my old diaries - yes handwritten ones, are they still a thing in this digital age today? - and how i would write late into the night when i was younger. i've always loved writing and spinning stories (well, not lie, definitely not), and i always wanted to be a published writer, but writing just isn't easy. i'm scared of failure and to be successful you sorta have to fail first and a million times after, perhaps. and it's exactly this thing preventing me from doing anything that will make me genuinely happy in my life right now. weird how i know what's the issue yet i'm too afraid to tackle it, huh ... humans are just so ironic and i'm a living example.

God has definitely been very very good to me all these years - from the moment i was born until now, and i'm so old now ... well, i feel that i'm really very very old, as compared to everyone else in my circle of friends. i've lost many, but i've also gained many, and i guess God is fair. i've had my fair share of heartache and happiness, but all in all i guess i'm pretty okay with everything right about now.

maybe i'll try to be a little more active on blogger right now that i've decided to start afresh. i know this blog will not be read as by many humans as there were on my previous blog, but i'm fine keeping a relatively low profile.