Date : Sunday, 24 January 2016
Time : 15:15
Title : thoughts.

a few days back, an old friend started talking to me again. let's just call her L. i've known L since i was an awkward preteen going through painful puberty in primary school. my parents liked L a lot because she was a much better student than i was with good grades, a cheerful disposition, an endearing smile for everyone, and very good manners. sometimes i'd get compared to L, but i never once questioned our friendship even after we went to different schools, embarked on different routes in life, and she's still one of my dearest friends - even to this very day.

but it sort of bothers me that after years of not staying in touch, she just out and said she doesn't know what plans i have for the future and she doesn't even know what i'm doing with my life right now, then went on to tell me i really need to leave the nightlife scene behind. well, first off, if you're really close to me you would know i haven't set foot in a club since forever. it's almost a year now i guess. i haven't seen the interior of the club i work for in ages and frankly, i don't have any intention to do so in the meantime until i know i've settled everything else that's taking priority in my life right now. i totally understand that being the best of friends in the past, she has my interests at heart, and i really really appreciate it even after losing touch for so long. but instead of bothering to catch up first, she just went on to say what she thought was the case instead of clarifying. and i guess that stung because well ... there is so much more to what's going on than what i share on facebook and what i upload on instagram.

and i sort of always thought that it's only right that you actually ask stuff like "so what's new? how's life treating you? what's going on lately?" etc., after a period of time of not keeping in touch with someone, because during that time space of not staying in touch a whole lot can have happened to them and you won't know much about it at all, instead of just jumping straight into what you think you know about them.

but that aside i still hold her close to my heart and i plan to meet her soon. ^^

had a bit of an eye-opener in school alone, and it serves to me as another reminder on how fake and two-faced some humans can be. i've also come to see someone's true colors, and i know better now to trust my instincts next time whenever they tell me someone is fake as fuck.

this world is so scary and so cruel, and because there's a huge amount of hypocritical imbeciles around, most people don't even think those who are actually real are for real. it's unfair. there's this huge "trust no one" thing going on in our world today and everyone's just so distrusting of each other that you can barely tell the real apart from the fake anymore. it's very sad.

sometimes i wonder why i bother myself with such matters, but at the same time i can't help but do so. we never know when a sharp knife will land on our backs, and most times the ones that stab you are the ones you least expect them to. it's a sad thought, but it's the harshness of the world.

on to lighter things - i'm working toward a good 2016 and i really want to make it happen. this year is my father's 60th birthday and i'm planning a good celebration. i'm going to exercise strong discipline on myself until i achieve all the little goals i've set for myself this year. i've already achieved one, and that is to not get a single D, E, or F grade for my mid-semester exams. the lowest grade i have is a C+ and it's sort of disappointing, because i really studied for my exams and tried to be extra diligent during lesson time by making notes whenever our lecturers are teaching. but i'm not going to be daunted by this and i'm going to make sure i continue working towards the end goal. i just really hope i don't somehow lose the steam halfway or lose any motivation. it's sort of the final few weeks of this semester already, which means my time as a second-year student in school is coming to a close soon. i'm really hoping i'll be able to hit all my goals and make my parents happy again. :'D

also this year i really hope to be able to cut off toxic people from my life and be a little happier than i was before. i hope that all goes well.

shall stop here for now, x